The Five People You Will Meet At The Gym

I go to the gym on a semi-regular basis, though the verb go doesn’t really do justice to the immense internal battle that forces me into my gym clothes, out of the house, and down the hill where my gym is conveniently located. It is so close I pass it on my daily commute to work- its towering presence a constant reminder of the £50 I lavish on this unfortunate and unenjoyable task.
The list of things I would do rather than go to the gym is honestly so long it could stretch from my flat in North West to London all the way to Australia (and probably swoop back and reach America.) Of course my primary alternative activity would be eating. Ideally something fried in oil, dripping in sauce and oozing with enough calories to triple my own body weight. And this is precisely the reason I force myself, by using similar methods as those used to assuage an unruly toddler. I essentially have to threat, bribe and plea with myself to go to the gym. I have also, given my rather poor excuse for a wage, started using guilt as a tactic. This sometimes works. Other times it just makes me feel even guiltier for having a piece of cake. Say what you want about Marie Antoinette, but the gal knew there really is nothing like a slice of rich, luxury decadence. In any case back to the matter at hand. On the occasion I am able to force myself to attend the gym (which in the summer has the unfortunate disadvantage of being extremely smelly) I have noticed some distinct categories of people. Which in my benevolence, and for your amusement, I shall review in the form of a list for your reading pleasure.
1. The Made up gym-goer
Now do not get me wrong. I am not a feminist warrior combat who feels the need to defy conventional norms and wear baggy, unflattering clothes. I like dressing up; I have a bulging bag of makeup, far too many dresses (and yet wear the same one on every date I have) and own numerous pairs of heels. However, there is a time and a place for all things and I can assure you when moving, sweating and grunting my way through exercise classes I feel no need to have glossy lips, bronzed cheeks or long lashes. And yet I see women looking as if they are going to rush straight from the gym to partake in Pimms with Princess Anne. When in reality, well if they are anything like me, they are going to jump in the shower and then sit on their bed in a towel for half an hour.
2. The Toned gym-goer
These women have my respect and admiration. They look fantastic and clearly work extremely hard to ensure their physiques. I see them giving it their all in classes, rising early and retiring late all to ensure they retain their enviable bodies. They are what I aspire to be like (note the use of the conditional verb to aspire.) I suppose it is good to have a dream…
3. The January gym-goer
Come January 1st the gym is packed with women who have suddenly decided this year is going to be the year they finally beat the battle of the bulge. So off they trot to their local exercise establishment with an intense passionate dedication. This annoyingly means that for the first two weeks of January accessing the treadmills is a game of luck and chance. Thankfully their fiery determination normally wanes by the 10th of January, returning only for a very brief moment in July as the bikini fear becomes real. They are, however, present a perfectly legitimate excuse not to go to the gym for a few days.
4. The doing it for love gym-goer
I have friends like this, they go to the gym because they genuinely love exercising. These woman also prefer eating healthier food options and rarely feel the need to gorge on obscene amounts of food. It goes without saying that I cannot even begin to understand the way their minds work, but I wish mine was just a little bit more like theirs.
5. My favourite ever gym-goer
There is a woman at my gym who is clearly pretty old, she could almost certainly have grandbabies. Yet, every morning at 6am she is at the gym pounding, pumping and punching. She does all this wearing a fanny pack. She is essentially my role model in life. I do not know why she feels the need to indulge in an early morning workout nor do I know what she puts in her fanny pack. However, I honestly believe she is just absolutely fabulous.


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